Not Your Cup of Tea
Do we want to fit in, or are we comfortable standing out?
I recently chatted with a leader who highlighted that some people found his style different and sometimes challenging. His self-awareness was good, and he’s focused on being more intentional in his communications, though not trying to change who he is at the essence. Some people will gravitate toward his style, and some will not, and that’s ok.
Following that interaction, I was in a networking discussion where we discussed leadership styles. Through the conversation, one of the women shared this poem, “I Am Not Your Cup of Tea”, and I instantly loved the messaging in it. I often worry about making sure my content speaks to everyone instead of focusing on a more specific or direct message, which means it may be generic or watered down.
As individual leaders, we can sustain our highest performance only if we show up fully as we are. However, we all know that this can be challenging in some organizational cultures. If we try to be everyone’s cup of tea all the time, we’re unable to stay true to our authentic selves. And when we have to dull the essence of who we are, it is an energy drain on our endurance capabilities.
As leaders of teams, we may have people who seem to be too much of x or too little of y when we first meet them. Our opportunity, though, is to find a way to embrace those differences and find a way to harness their uniqueness for the benefit of everyone. We need them to be them.
It’s hard to stop wanting to be everyone’s cup of tea. Most of us want people to like us, and some of us thrive on external validation. But, trying to be everyone’s cup of tea results in us either being a chameleon or a very vanilla version of ourselves.
Whether we’re trying to grow within an organization or build our own business, it’s critical to find a way to stand out from the others.
I have recently acknowledged that my leadership style may be more of an acquired taste. I’m often direct and persistent in my points, and unfortunately, I am known to interrupt more than I would like (I am working on this.) Besides the interruption habit, those attributes can be assets and align with some of my strengths.
A fun exercise I did was to illustrate my leadership style with the types of drinks I prefer. I describe myself as the spicy margarita, bold red wine, dark roast coffee, and Guinness-loving persona… all acquired tastes. Acknowledging this persona, I won’t be the right coach or leadership advisor for leaders and organizations who want the Coors Lite or the White Zinfandel profile. The trick for me is making sure that I embrace that persona all of the time so that people get the best of me and not the generic cup of tea.
It’s ok not to be everyone’s cup of tea. The more that we show up as ourselves, the more likely we’ll find people and organizations who love to be around our different kind of energy.
Are you focused on being everyone’s cup of tea and not standing out for what makes you uniquely you?
If so, and you want to shift that, what would be one thing you want to do to be a brighter or bolder version of yourself?
Melissa
The new year is a perfect time to map out your success factors for the year.
You can download the 2025 Success Measures template with this link.