Perception is Reality
Which version are people seeing?
This week I've been talking about feedback and how I've reacted to it in the past. I've not done this because I think I'm unique or want to share my failures with the world but to share in case others have been there or are there now. We know that feedback done well is supposed to help us be better versions of ourselves, and we should always be striving to be that best version of ourselves. The key to remember is that this best version is not a destination...this is a journey we're taking, hopefully for the rest of our lives.
Now to today's lesson learned....Perception is reality or how you show up every day is what people will think of you.
Most of us probably have an image that we want to project at work (and in our personal lives). We want to be perceived as confident or strong or knowledgeable or collaborative or some combination of many traits. It's likely that on our best days, we do show up this way. The challenge comes when we're in periods of stress, and our less than best versions show up. For me, in those periods of stress, I can show up as impatient or directive or arrogant and way too serious about things that are not life or death.
I'm sure I've had the mirror shown to me more than 2 times in my career but two situations stand out. In one situation, I was in a more relaxed setting than I normally was in with this individual, and we were getting to know each other a bit better. Though it stung at first, she shared what her initial perceptions of me were based on how I showed up on conference calls or in meetings. I didn't love what I heard but it was helpful to hear how I was being perceived, particularly by more senior individuals and those I looked to for leadership. These insights gave me the opportunity to shift my behavior.
In the second situation, someone shared with me that I had been given a nickname, describing how I was being perceived by people - "x Melissa." This one was more of a sucker punch feeling because that name was definitely not how I wanted people to see me. This nickname was not shared to hurt me but to let me know the perception I was creating when my stressed persona came out. I did a lot of reflection after hearing this one...what were the drivers that were influencing how I was showing up, what could I do to change them, who did I want to show up as.
Feedback is useful when it gives us information and insights on how we or our work is being perceived. Our job is to listen, internalize, determine what part is true and what part is perception, and what we want to do with these new insights. Hearing that you're less than perfect is usually not a fun experience, but it is the way that we learn and become better people, employees, and leaders. The key is to not let these perceptions of you and your work stifle your uniqueness or hold you back from what you were meant to do. Yes, you can wallow for a day or two if it really stings, but you need to pick yourself up and move forward.
A Path Forward
Focus on who you want to show up as.
Surround yourself with people who will tell you when you're not showing up that way.
Find people that will support you in trying to become the best version of you.
Know that you will fail at times and will need to pick yourself up and take a new step forward.
Learn from your mistakes.
Be willing to share your tough learnings to help others.
Believe that this journey of becoming the best version of you is worth the effort.
Always...just do the next right thing. You can change perceptions and create a new reality.