Love and Health
Today is Valentine's Day, and many are either celebrating with cards, gifts and candy for a loved one or friends or, in some cases, feeling sad because there isn't a loved one to celebrate with. This week, I focused my posts on preventive care - taking care of ourselves, our teams, and our organizations and on what to do when you do find that you're "getting sick" despite the preventive care. Today's blog is going to continue to build on that theme because I believe it's critical that we focus on love in our lives for optimal health and well-being.
Depending on the source, you'll read that there are up to 8 types of love. I'm going to just focus on a few of them for today's message because I think they're the easiest to relate to. When Valentine's Day hits, we tend to only think about the romantic loves (Eros) in our lives. Some of us may have experienced great love in our life but it's no longer there, some may be living it today, or some may not have yet found it. According to an article in Psychology Today, "By preoccupying ourselves with romantic love, we risk neglecting other types of love that are more stable or readily available and that may, especially in the longer term, prove more healing and fulfilling."
So let's focus on a few of the others that may be more attainable or are already prevalent in your life.
Philia - this is focused on friendship and goodwill."Friendships founded on goodness are associated not only with mutual benefit but also with companionship, dependability, and trust." Think about the people in your network...what "benefit" are you getting from your friends? Are they your sounding board? Do they celebrate with you when things go well or support you in your disappointments? The friends that love you can fill such a big hole in our lives.
Storge - the love between families and children. Having spent a few days with my parents and my sister and thinking about how I love my children, this is an easy one to celebrate and embrace. Families may bicker and disagree with each other, but more often than not, they align together when there's an outside force that they're up against.
Agape - is aligned to altruism."Recent studies link altruism with a number of benefits. In the short term, altruism leaves us with a euphoric feeling—the so-called ‘helper’s high’. In the longer term, it is associated with better mental and physical health, as well as longevity." Where do you have the opportunity to give without expecting in return? Do you volunteer at your church or your child's school or a charity? Are you the one who brings chicken soup to the neighbor that's ill or goes to visit those sick in the hospital? Do you remember how you feel afterwards? I know I feel like I gained more than I gave when I do these types of activities.
The last one I'll highlight is Philautia. "Philautia is self-love, which can be healthy or unhealthy...Healthy self-love is akin to self-esteem, which is our cognitive and, above all, emotional appraisal of our own worth relative to that of others....People with high self-esteem...are able to invest themselves completely in projects and people because they do not fear failure or rejection...Owing to their resilience, they are open to growth experiences and relationships, tolerant of risk, quick to joy and delight, and accepting and forgiving of themselves and others." Where do you fall on loving yourself?
Our self-esteem really is in our control and has such a big impact on our wellness. Yes, our self-esteem may have been negatively impacted by things that have happened in our life, but we can bounce back from them. We can believe that we are amazing without getting to hubris. What stories are you telling yourself that may not be true? If someone told you that story about themselves, would you react..."that's crazy...you're amazing with x." This method is a quick way to tell if we're being harder on ourselves than we should be. Yes, I know, we can't change our self-esteem over night but we first have to recognize that we are all worthy of love - from ourself and others.
On this Valentine's Day, with whom are you sharing your love? At the very least, make sure you are showing yourself what an amazing Valentine you are. You are worth it!