Asking for what you want…
A few days before Thanksgiving, I sent a group text to gather expectations from my family about what would make Thanksgiving Day a great experience for them. I’m sure there were a few eye rolls when the text came in, but everyone went along with it and shared what they wanted most from our day together. I had shared my expectations first so they knew what I was looking for in an answer. Once everyone texted their expectations, I added an “Oh, by the way…”
What I really wanted to make sure happened was that I had help carrying all of the Christmas decoration boxes up from the basement. Another eye roll.
Fast forward to Thanksgiving Day, and we all end up in the basement for some reason. As we head upstairs, my husband says, “We should probably all carry a box up now if we’re going to do this anyway today.” So everyone carried a box upstairs, and then we carried up all the boxes because why not just finish what we started.
Now… what I wanted was help carrying up the boxes so that I could decorate over the weekend.
What I got was so much better. An almost fully decorated house (just ornaments left to put on the tree). I loved watching my young adult kids and my son’s girlfriend find the perfect spots for all of the favorite decorations in the new house, being adamant that the Christmas train set be up and that the stuffed animals still needed to go on the stairs as you’ll see in the photo.
Often, we make assumptions that people will know what we want or that we expect them to want what we want. All that happens when we do this is that we either end up disappointed or frustrated or both.
If we want to be good leaders of ourselves and those around us (our families, our teams, etc.), we need to be clear about what we want and, ideally, why or what that looks like, and then communicate it in a way that others understand.
Neither are really easy to do, though they sound simple.
I’ve often contemplated… what do I really want in this situation and not really knowing. And then figuring out why I want it (beyond “because”) requires a bit of reflection and vulnerability.
And then the hard part for many… telling other people what you want so they can help you make it real.
The good news for my family Thanksgiving was that everyone wanted a low-key day so our expectations were aligned. And the reality was, that we had a low-key day with good food, laughter, and an opportunity to do an activity together (decorating).
During this holiday season, give yourself the gift of asking for what you want…and then see the world around you try to make it real alongside of you.
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