Are you trying to be right?

On Thursday evening, I had the opportunity to listen to renowned negotiation expert and Wharton Professor Emeritus, Stuart Diamond, author of the international best seller "Getting More. How You Can Negotiate to Succeed in Work and in Life" share his views on what most of us are doing wrong.  His strategies work from getting your young child to take a bath to negotiating business deals to resolving political conflict.

What if it was easier than we all thought it could be?

His research shows that our logic and arguments is only 8% of what contributes to getting to a negotiated solution. 

Do you know what accounts for 55%?  EMOTION.

The key ingredient for a negotiation to go well is for you to make the human connection, understanding what the person you're negotiating with really wants.

How often are you feeling like you should be winning in a negotiation because you have all the facts, you know you are right, but the other person just isn't complying with your logic?

I know that this is often my way of thinking so the discussion was a very interesting one. 

The simple example that many of us who are parents can relate to is getting a child to do what they don't really want to do.  His "trick" - find something that the child really wants as well.  If you get in the bath, I will play your favorite music/read your favorite book/wear a silly hat.  What does your child really want?

Think about a situation where you're trying to negotiate with a client or colleague.  

﹖Have you connected personally on something you have in common?

﹖Do you know what they really want out of the situation? 

﹖Have you asked directly? 

﹖Have you done a few layers of asking why?

Think about what you really want and what you might be willing to trade to get to a resolution that meets your needs.

The other thing that hit home for me with my interest in advocating for intentional leadership and new strategies for developing newer leader is that it’s the human piece that is going to make the difference…not all the information you have at your fingertips.

I think we could all use a bit less tension in our daily negotiations.  Is it worth the try to focus on the emotional side of the equation vs. the rational side?