Do I have to do it all because I can?

❓Am I a failure if I choose not to try to do it all?

❓Have I failed if I can’t do it all?

The answer to all of these questions is NO.

As I was talking with a client, she mentioned a book she was reading (Why We Can't Sleep: Women's New Midlife Crisis by Ada Calhoun) that focuses on the challenge that many GenX women face because of the period we grew up in.  (I have not read the book, but plan to check it out).

I am part of the first generation where the career possibilities were much broader than our mothers' choices.

We were taught to believe that we could do and have it all.

We may have felt obligated to take advantage of this opportunity.

We may have felt an expectation to succeed so we didn’t disappoint future generations.

As you read this newsletter, you may not be a GenX woman, but I’m confident that someone on your team or in your network has encountered and maybe struggles with this feeling of letting people down by not living up to her full potential.

These women’s feelings of not doing or being enough don’t just impact the individual; they impact their teams.

We can’t have healthy teams and organizations where people struggle to thrive.

Let’s look at it through two lenses:

A high-performing employee’s lens

🪞She feels she’s letting people down at home and work by not doing everything at 100%.

🪞She’s uncomfortable asking for help because she should be able to handle it all; everyone around her seems to be making it work.

🪞She’s no longer confident in her competence because she knows her work isn’t perfect.

🪞She’s trying to prove herself by taking on more and striving for that next promotion point.

🪞She constantly feels stressed out, which leads to not showing up as the best version of herself.

A leader’s lens…

We see an extremely competent team member...

📌Who isn’t confident that she’s doing enough, so continues to ask for more though she may already be overwhelmed, or…

📌Who is turning down growth opportunities because she’s worried she can’t do the role well enough and juggle the rest of the expectations, or…

📌Who is starting to exhibit signs of excessive stress or burnout, impacting the team dynamic

These symptoms are likely to lead to a bad conclusion if not addressed:

▷Burnout

▷Mental or physical health ailments

▷Relationship issues

▷A decision to leave the role or the workforce

So…what can we do?

At the individual level, it’s time to:

✔️Let go of the belief that you’re not living up to your potential if you don’t want everything you think you’re supposed to want

✔️Let go of the goal of doing it all perfectly

✔️Ask for support so you can do the things you want to do

✔️Prioritize your well-being

At the leader level, it’s time to…

✔️Create environments that foster overall well-being as a way to achieve high performance

✔️Identify where the risks are

✔️Provide support for the individual when they acknowledge their struggle or you observe it

✔️Set realistic expectations and priorities for work efforts

Unrealistic expectations don’t serve any person or environment well. 

Isn’t it time to let those unrealistic expectations go and instead focus on realistic expectations, actual interests and priorities, and feeling like you’re in an environment where you and your teams can thrive?

It’s okay not to want everything that is possible.

It’s most important to live the life you want and feel that you are thriving in it.

Starting September 25th, my group coaching cohort of the FIRE Circle launches for women leaders who want to maximize their impact without losing themselves in the process. 

Let's set up a time to talk if this sounds like your next step (or that of someone on your team).